When Life Doesn't Go as Planned: Finding Hashem in the Unexpected

We feel most secure when life follows a predictable course. We make plans, establish routines, and organize our days around the things we believe we can control. These familiar patterns become our comfort zones, giving us a sense of stability and reassurance.

Yet no matter how carefully we plan, unexpected events inevitably disrupt our expectations. Sometimes these surprises are painful; at other times, they bring unexpected blessings. Even when something wonderful happens, however, we may find ourselves thinking, "It was just a coincidence. Don't get used to it."

Jewish faith offers a different perspective: There is no such thing as mere coincidence. In fact, the very circumstances we did not anticipate or control may reveal Hashem's guiding hand most clearly.

This does not mean that we should stop making plans. Rather, we are called to strike a balance between responsible preparation and openness to the unexpected. We must do everything within our power to prepare for the future while recognizing that even our most carefully arranged plans remain subject to Hashem's will.

The challenge is to prepare ourselves not only for what we expect to happen, but also for the possibility that Hashem may lead us somewhere entirely different. One of the greatest examples of this approach is Eliezer, Avraham's servant.

Eliezer's Mission: A Carefully Defined Plan

Eliezer was entrusted with an exceptionally important task of finding a suitable wife for Yitzchak. Avraham's instructions were clear and specific: "Rather, you shall go to my land and to my birthplace, and take a wife for my son, for Yitzchak" (Genesis 24:4). The term moladti, translated here as "my birthplace," is understood by commentators, including the Rashbam and Targum Yonatan ben Uziel, as a reference to Avraham's family.

When Eliezer later recounts his mission to Rivkah's family, he emphasizes the precise nature of Avraham's instructions: "My master made me swear, saying: You shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I dwell. Rather, you shall go to my father's house and to my family, and take a wife for my son" (Genesis 24:37–38).

Eliezer knew exactly where he was expected to go and whom he was expected to approach. He had even sworn an oath to fulfill these instructions. The most straightforward course of action would have been to travel to Aram, locate Avraham's relatives, introduce himself, and propose the match. Everything seemed perfectly arranged.

However, Eliezer chose a very different approach. When he arrived outside the city, he stopped beside a well, made his camels kneel, and began to pray: "Hashem, God of my master Avraham, please cause it to happen before me today, and perform kindness with my master Avraham" (Genesis 24:12).

He then asked Hashem for a sign. The young woman who would offer him water and voluntarily draw water for his camels would be the one designated for Yitzchak. At first glance, Eliezer's behavior seems puzzling. Why did he need a sign? Why leave such an important matter to what appeared to be chance when he already had clear instructions?

The answer lies in a single word from his prayer: hakreh — "cause it to happen."

Making Room for Divine Providence

The Midrash describes Eliezer as an eved maskil, a wise and discerning servant (Bereishit Rabbah 60:2). Eliezer understood Avraham's intentions perfectly. But he also recognized something profound: a marriage as significant as that of Yitzchak and Rivkah could not be entrusted entirely to human planning. There had to be room for Hashem's involvement.

Eliezer understood that although he had a mission to fulfill, he was not expected to control every detail of how it would unfold. He needed to allow Divine Providence to become part of the process. That is why he prayed, "Hakreh na lefanai hayom" — "Please cause it to happen before me today." In effect, Eliezer was asking Hashem to reveal His presence through events that appeared coincidental, beyond anything Eliezer himself could arrange.

The Shem MiShmuel (Chayei Sarah, 5672/1912) addresses this apparent contradiction. Matters of holiness generally require careful preparation rather than reliance on chance. Why, then, would Eliezer deliberately seek what seemed like a chance encounter?

The answer is that the greater the spiritual significance of an undertaking, the more important it is to recognize that its ultimate success comes from Hashem. Preparation is essential, but it cannot account for everything. After making every possible effort, a person must still acknowledge that the outcome depends on Divine kindness.

This is especially true when the undertaking involves establishing the future of the Jewish people. Eliezer did not abandon Avraham's plan. He created an opening for Hashem to guide that plan toward its intended purpose.

What We Call Coincidence May Be Carefully Arranged

The Malbim develops a similar idea in his commentary on Ruth (2:3). He explains that when Hashem wishes to bring about something of broader significance, Divine Providence may operate through events that appear accidental. Rather than waiting for a predictable sequence of causes to produce the desired result, Hashem may bring it about through circumstances that seem entirely unplanned.

This is precisely what Eliezer requested. He was asking Hashem to bring the right person into his path without requiring him to orchestrate every step of the encounter.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch offers an especially powerful explanation of this concept. In his commentary on Genesis 42:4, Rabbi Hirsch explains that we call something a mikreh, or chance occurrence, when it interrupts the course we intended to follow and redirects us toward something we had not anticipated.

An event appears accidental because we did not include it in our calculations. Yet Rabbi Hirsch suggests that precisely these unforeseen events may be among those most carefully calculated by the One who governs the world. What falls outside our plans does not necessarily fall outside Hashem's plan.

In his commentary on Genesis 24:12, Rabbi Hirsch explains that Eliezer's prayer expresses a desire for Hashem to direct the mission he has undertaken. Eliezer recognizes that he cannot accomplish his objective through his own efforts alone. By adding the word lefanai, "before me," he asks that the unexpected occurrence help advance him along the path he has already begun. Eliezer was not asking to be relieved of responsibility. He was asking for Divine assistance in fulfilling it.

This is a crucial distinction. Faith does not mean giving up on planning. It means understanding that human planning and Divine Providence are not competing forces. We prepare, act, and make decisions, while remaining receptive to the ways Hashem may guide us beyond what we initially envisioned.

When Our Carefully Laid Plans Fall Apart

Every morning, we recite the blessing "HaMeichin Mitzadei Gaver" — praising Hashem, who directs a person's steps. This blessing speaks directly to the tension between our plans and life's unpredictable reality.

We may begin the morning with a carefully organized schedule. Meetings are arranged, tasks are prioritized, and responsibilities are assigned to specific hours or even minutes. But where will our feet actually take us? Will every appointment happen as expected? Will every conversation unfold as planned? Will the opportunities we anticipate materialize? And perhaps most importantly, how will we respond when something interrupts our schedule?

Our instinct is often to regard disruptions as obstacles that must be overcome as quickly as possible. We try to restore control, return to our original plans, and eliminate anything that interferes with what we intended to accomplish. Sometimes that is exactly what responsible action requires.

But Jewish faith invites us to consider another possibility. Perhaps the unexpected encounter, the delayed appointment, or the sudden change of circumstances is not merely an interruption. Perhaps it is an invitation to recognize a direction we had not previously considered.

Eliezer teaches us to remain attentive to these possibilities. He was fully committed to his mission, yet he understood that the path toward its fulfillment might contain elements he could neither predict nor control. Rather than insisting that everything proceed according to his original expectations, he made room for Hashem to lead him.

Learning to Recognize Hashem in the Unexpected

There is a visible dimension to life and a hidden one. We see the plans we make, the decisions we take, and the circumstances unfolding around us. But we cannot see every connection, every consequence, or every purpose behind the events we experience. We know what we intended, but we do not always know where Hashem is leading us.

This is why the prophet Yeshayahu declares: "Indeed, You are a God who conceals Himself, God of Israel, Savior" (Isaiah 45:15). Hashem's presence is not always obvious. At times, His guidance becomes apparent only when we look back and recognize how unexpected events shaped the course of our lives.

The challenge is not to abandon our responsibility to plan, nor to assume that every setback will immediately reveal a positive outcome. It is to cultivate the humility to recognize that our perspective is limited. We can prepare carefully without becoming rigid. We can pursue our goals without insisting that they unfold exactly as we imagined. And we can face unexpected circumstances with the awareness that there may be more to the story than we currently understand.

Eliezer's prayer teaches us that the unplanned does not necessarily lie outside the realm of Divine guidance.

Sometimes, the very moment we lose control of the plan is the moment we are invited to recognize the One who has been guiding it all along.