Tu B'Av: Why the Fifteenth of Av Is the Most Auspicious Day to Pray for Your Soulmate

This week we celebrate Tu B'Av, one of the most joyful days in the Jewish calendar.

The Mishnah in Ta'anit (26b) records the famous teaching of Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel: "There were no greater festivals for Israel than the Fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur. On these days, the daughters of Jerusalem would go out dressed in borrowed white garments, so that no one who lacked beautiful clothing would be embarrassed, and they would dance in the vineyards."

The Talmud (Ta'anit 31a) offers several additional reasons why Tu B'Av became a day of celebration. Because of its festive nature, Jewish law rules that Tachanun, confession (Vidui), and Nefilat Apayim are omitted from the prayers on this day.

Why Did They Wear Borrowed White Garments?

The Mishnah emphasizes that the daughters of Jerusalem wore borrowed white clothing. Even the wealthiest women borrowed dresses rather than wearing their own, ensuring that no one would feel ashamed because of poverty.

This beautiful custom reflected one of Judaism's highest values, to preserve the dignity of every person.

The Talmud also describes the different groups of women who danced in the vineyards. The most beautiful would say, "Look at the beauty." Those from distinguished families would say, "Look at the family." Those who considered themselves less attractive would say, "Choose your wife for the sake of Heaven, but adorn us with gold."

Rabbi Ovadia Yosef explained the meaning of this last statement by citing a remarkable story from the Talmud (Nedarim 66a).

A man once vowed that he would never marry his cousin because he believed she was unattractive. She was later brought before Rabbi Yishmael, who arranged for her to be beautifully dressed and groomed. When the man saw her, Rabbi Yishmael asked him, "Is this the woman you vowed not to marry?" The man admitted that had he known she looked this way, he would never have made the vow.

Rabbi Yishmael then annulled the vow.

Overcome with emotion, he wept and declared: "The daughters of Israel are beautiful; it is poverty that makes them appear otherwise."

Rabbi Ovadia Yosef explained that when the women said, "Adorn us with gold," they did not mean they sought wealth for its own sake. Rather, they meant that if they were given beautiful clothing and jewelry, people would recognize their true beauty and appreciate them as worthy brides.

A Custom Rooted in Compassion

At first glance, one might wonder how the Sages could approve of young women dancing publicly in search of marriage.

The medieval work Orchot Chaim addresses this question. It explains that families who were able to arrange suitable marriages for their daughters naturally did so privately. This custom existed primarily to help young women whose families lacked the financial means to arrange marriages.

Without such an opportunity, many of these women might never have married. Far from encouraging impropriety, the custom was an expression of communal responsibility, compassion, and concern for those in need.

An Auspicious Day for Prayer

King Solomon writes in Proverbs: "A word spoken at the right time — how good it is!"

The Sages understood that every time has its unique spiritual qualities, and Tu B'Av is especially associated with marriage and the formation of Jewish homes.

For this reason, many rabbis encourage increasing one's prayers on Tu B'Av. Those who are single may pray that God will lead them to their destined soulmate. Parents may pray for their children to merit finding worthy spouses and establishing faithful Jewish homes. Married couples can use the day to pray for greater peace, love, and blessing within their own homes.

May we all merit to hear good news, experience salvation and comfort, and celebrate many joyful weddings and lasting Jewish homes.

Amen.