Parashat Ki Tetzei: A Mother Will Risk Everything for Her Children

One of the Torah’s mitzvot is the commandment to send away the mother bird before taking her young. When we look more closely at this remarkable mitzvah, we discover that it has a “backstory” in one of the most dramatic episodes in the Book of Genesis. And, as we know, the deeds of the fathers are a sign for the children.

The Torah states: “If a bird’s nest happens to be before you on the road, in any tree or on the ground, with fledglings or eggs, and the mother is sitting upon the fledglings or upon the eggs, you shall not take the mother with the children. You shall surely send away the mother, and take the children for yourself, so that it may be good for you and you may lengthen your days” (Deuteronomy 22:6–7).

There are many opinions regarding the nature and details of this remarkable mitzvah. One may consult Rambam, Ramban, Sefer HaChinuch, and other early commentators.

Why Must the Mother Bird Be Sent Away?

Before we understand which Torah story the mitzvah of sending away the mother bird is connected to, the Netziv of Volozhin (Ha’amek Davar, Deuteronomy 22:6) makes an important point: “I have seen an explanation for this mitzvah: it is a repayment for mercy. The mother, though she had the ability to fly away from a person, sought to protect the fledglings or the eggs; therefore, you must spare her. This is one branch of mercy, though it is nevertheless a decree.”

In other words, a bird is indeed a weak and defenseless creature, but it is relatively difficult to catch because it possesses one central strength: flight. A bird has wings that allow it to escape danger and protect itself.

Now imagine a person walking along and coming across a nest, with the mother sitting on her fledglings or eggs. At first glance, this seems like an opportunity to take the mother or her young, since the bird does not immediately fly away. She remains because she is protecting her offspring. If necessary, she will sacrifice herself in a desperate attempt to defend them.

Then the Torah says: Do not take the mother with the children.

Why?

The mother bird has wings. She could fly away and save herself. The reason she does not leave is that she is protecting her offspring. The Torah tells us: Do not use her maternal instincts against her. It would be an act of great cruelty to capture her precisely because of her compassion for her children and her attempt to protect them. Do not use the bird’s capacity for mercy against her.

This message also applies to the mitzvah of honoring parents. A mother will do almost anything for her children. Yes, she has expectations for them and hopes for their future, but ultimately, even if her children do not live up to those expectations or fulfill those hopes, she will continue to love them because they are her children.

Children must be careful not to take advantage of that love. A mother’s love is meant to help her children grow. We must never turn that love into a trap against her.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch writes a beautiful sentence about this verse: “This mitzvah expresses the special importance that the Torah assigns to a woman’s work in the ways of her home, and it traces that work even into the animal kingdom. It guarantees protection to the female bird while she is engaged in her role as a mother, and it requires every person who has the opportunity to express through his actions this appreciation for the female engaged in her role.”

The Same Words Appear in Jacob’s Prayer

Now, let us take a short journey back in time.

The Torah’s wording in the mitzvah of sending away the mother bird is: “You shall not take the mother with the children.”

This phrasing appears one more time in the Torah. Where?

Our forefather Jacob had not seen his brother Esau for 20 years. He had been forced to flee from him on his mother’s advice after she discovered that Esau was planning to kill him. Now, after Hashem commands Jacob to return home, he comes back with four wives, 12 children, and great wealth.

As he approaches the land, he receives word that Esau is coming toward him with 400 men, intending to fight him. Just before their fateful meeting, Jacob turns to Hashem in an emotional prayer: “Please save me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, lest he come and strike me, mother with children” (Genesis 32:12).

The expression “mother with children” echoes the Torah’s wording in the mitzvah of sending away the mother bird: “You shall not take the mother with the children.” It underscores the depth of Jacob’s fear and anxiety: that the mother and children might be destroyed together.

It seems there is a connection between the mitzvah of sending away the mother bird and the story of Jacob and Esau. What is it?

At first glance, Jacob had a simple solution for escaping Esau: run away, just as a bird can flee for its life. But Jacob does not run. The reason is clear. The children cannot run and save themselves.

And if Jacob were to flee alone, what would happen? The mothers would remain and protect their children with their own bodies. Precisely because of their devotion, the great disaster Jacob fears could occur: “Lest he come and strike me, mother with children.” Not only would the children be lost, but the mothers too could be killed as they tried, with complete devotion, to protect them.

In his prayer, Jacob stirs divine mercy through this allusion to the mitzvah of sending away the mother bird. He turns to the Creator of the world and pleads: Protect me, because I cannot run away. I cannot allow my children or my wives to be harmed precisely because they fulfilled their natural role as compassionate mothers. Therefore, I must remain in the “nest” with my family, and please, “save me.”

When a Mother Must Let Go

A mother will usually risk her life to remain in the nest and protect her children. Yet in Jacob’s own story, his mother did the opposite. She parted from her child in a successful effort to preserve his life.

Sometimes, the only way a mother can save her child is by letting go, by separating from him, perhaps forever. A Jewish mother knows how to distinguish between when to stay and risk everything in order to remain with her child, and when to send him away.

During the month of Elul, we repeat twice a day before Hashem the verse: “Do not hide Your face from me; do not turn Your servant away in anger. You have been my help; do not abandon me and do not forsake me, Hashem of my salvation. Though my father and mother have forsaken me, Hashem will gather me in.”

With these words, we plead before the Master of the Universe never to leave us. Even if, Heaven forbid, our father and mother, or those closest and most beloved to us, abandon us, we ask and believe that You, Father of Mercy, will always gather us to You and protect us beneath Your wings.