When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned: Remember These 5 Words

Plans do not always unfold the way we expect. You do not get the job, a match does not work out, a plan falls through, or a dream you had been counting on slowly begins to unravel. In moments like these, it is natural to wonder, “Why is this happening to me, and why now?”

The Gemara offers a short but powerful phrase that can help us face these moments without rushing to conclude that everything is lost:

“Kol d’avid Rachmana l’tav avid” (Berachot 60b)—everything Hashem does, He does for the good.

Rabbi Akiva’s Lesson in Trust

The Gemara tells of Rabbi Akiva, who once arrived in a city and asked for a place to stay, but no one agreed to host him. He went outside the city and slept in a field, saying, “Kol d’avid Rachmana l’tav avid.”

He had with him a lamp, a rooster, and a donkey. During the night, the wind blew out his lamp, a cat ate the rooster, and a lion ate the donkey. With each new setback, Rabbi Akiva repeated the same words: “Everything Hashem does, He does for the good.”

By morning, the reason became clear. A regiment had entered the city and taken its residents captive. Rabbi Akiva, who had been sleeping outside the city, was spared. The extinguished lamp meant there was no light to reveal his location, while the loss of his animals meant there were no sounds to give him away.

What had appeared to be a series of misfortunes had ultimately protected him.

We Don’t Always See the Full Picture

We naturally interpret events according to the information we have at that moment. When something we desperately wanted does not happen, it is easy to decide immediately that the outcome is bad and that nothing good could possibly come from it.

Rabbi Akiva did not know during the night that the darkness and silence would help save him. He did not understand why one thing after another was going wrong. But he also did not rush to conclude that everything was working against him.

Sometimes, looking back, we understand why something was delayed, canceled, or did not work out. Perhaps a job we did not get led us toward a better opportunity. Perhaps a relationship that ended eventually made room for the right one. Perhaps a plan that fell apart sent us in a direction we never would have considered otherwise.

At other times, however, the explanation never becomes clear to us.

Believing that Hashem does everything for the good does not depend on being able to recognize that good immediately.

Faith Does Not Mean Ignoring the Pain

It is important not to turn Rabbi Akiva’s teaching into a demand to find an immediate silver lining in every painful experience.

Not every hardship comes with an explanation we can understand, and not every disappointment needs to be quickly reframed into something positive. The message of “Kol d’avid Rachmana l’tav avid” is not that pain is not painful. It is that our understanding of what has happened is limited.

We can remember the times when something that once seemed terrible made sense only in hindsight. That memory can strengthen us during the times when we still do not have an answer.

What Can You Do When Something Goes Wrong?

When a plan falls apart, give yourself a moment before deciding that everything has been ruined. Say, “Kol d’avid Rachmana l’tav avid,” and then ask yourself what you can do next.

When you receive a negative answer, allow yourself to feel disappointed without turning that one answer into a conclusion about your entire future. There may still be another door to knock on or another direction to explore.

And when there is simply no explanation, it is okay to say, “I don’t understand why this happened.” Faith does not require us to know the reason for everything.

When It Still Hurts

Even after saying “Kol d’avid Rachmana l’tav avid,” the pain may not disappear. You can still pray, cry, and ask Hashem for the good to become visible soon. And if the difficulty feels too heavy to carry alone, there is nothing wrong with sharing it with someone close to you, a rabbi, or a professional.

The next time something does not go according to plan, try remembering Rabbi Akiva’s words. Not because you already know why it happened, and not because you have to pretend that it does not hurt, but because you know that you cannot yet see the whole picture.

Sometimes the good becomes clear tomorrow. Sometimes it takes years. And sometimes we may never understand it in this world. But “Kol d’avid Rachmana l’tav avid” reminds us that what we can see in this moment is only one part of the story.