When People Let You Down: 5 Powerful Lessons on Trusting Hashem

When someone promises to help us but backs out at the last minute, a person we trusted disappoints us, or someone treats us in a way that causes us pain, it is easy to become angry, assign blame, and convince ourselves that everything would have worked out if only that person had acted differently.

In his book Pele Yoetz, under the entry “Promise” (Havtachah), Rabbi Eliezer Papo explains how the quality of bitachon, trust in Hashem, should influence the way we relate to other people. His teachings offer five important lessons.

1. Do Not Place Your Trust in Other People

The Pele Yoetz writes: “The perfection of the quality of trust is not to place one's trust in any person whatsoever.”

When we need help, it is natural to turn to people who may be able to assist us. Someone looking for a job might contact an acquaintance who could recommend them, while a person seeking advice might consult someone with experience. However, the Pele Yoetz teaches that we should not place our ultimate trust in the person from whom we expect assistance. Even when someone appears to have the ability to help us, we must remember that our success ultimately depends on Hashem's will.

This does not mean refraining from asking for help or making the necessary efforts (hishtadlut). Rather, it means recognizing that the person we approach is not the true source of our salvation.

2. Do Not Allow Anger Toward Others to Control You

The Pele Yoetz continues: “And he should not become upset with any person.”

Sometimes we become angry with someone who failed to help us, hurt us, or, in our view, prevented us from receiving an important opportunity. The Pele Yoetz teaches that trusting Hashem can help us manage these feelings. If we believe that everything unfolds under Divine Providence, we need not attribute everything that happened solely to another person's actions.

This does not mean justifying hurtful behavior or surrendering our rights. We can hold someone accountable for their mistakes and take appropriate steps to correct an injustice without remaining consumed by anger toward them.

3. Remember That People Are Hashem's Messengers

The Pele Yoetz explains why we should not place our ultimate trust in other people: “For he should believe with complete faith that everyone is a messenger of the Merciful One.”

In other words, people serve as Hashem's messengers. Someone may help us find employment, offer us an opportunity, or assist us during a difficult time, but we should not view that person as having independent control over our destiny. The same principle applies when someone hurts us or prevents us from obtaining something we wanted. Even events that unfold through the actions of other people remain within Hashem's Divine Providence.

The Pele Yoetz then cites the teaching of our Sages: “Merit is brought about through a meritorious person, and wrongdoing through a person who is culpable” (Shabbat 32a). This means that Hashem brings about positive outcomes through worthy individuals, while negative outcomes may occur through those who act improperly. Thus, even when someone serves as a messenger in a particular situation, that person remains responsible for their choices and actions.

Understanding this allows us to express genuine gratitude to those who help us while remembering that their assistance was ultimately through Hashem's providence.

4. Hashem Has Many Ways to Help Us

“The Almighty has many messengers, whether for good or otherwise,” writes the Pele Yoetz.

We often convince ourselves that the solution to our problem depends on one particular person. If that person helps us, we will succeed. If they refuse, we may feel that all hope is lost. But the Pele Yoetz reminds us that Hashem has many messengers and countless ways of bringing about an outcome.

For example, someone searching for a job might be devastated after being rejected by a particular employer. Yet that rejection does not mean every opportunity has disappeared. Another possibility may emerge, perhaps one the person had never previously considered. Trusting Hashem enables us to continue making the necessary efforts without feeling that our entire future depends on a single person's decision.

5. Even When Everyone Is Against Us, the Final Outcome Is in Hashem's Hands

The Pele Yoetz concludes with a powerful statement: “Even if the entire world stood on one side of the scales, seeking to harm or benefit him by so much as a hair's breadth, and the decree of the Almighty stood on the other side, His decree would outweigh them all.”

Even if many people try to help someone, they cannot bring about an outcome contrary to what Hashem has decreed. Conversely, even if many people seek to harm someone, they cannot overturn the Divine decree.

This teaching can be particularly reassuring when we feel that others are standing in the way of our success or that our future depends on decisions beyond our control. We must still make the efforts required of us, but we should remember that the final outcome does not rest in human hands. The person standing before us may be a messenger, but they are not the master of our destiny.