True Confidence: Between Self-Reliance and Surrender

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is the emotional outcome of how we perceive and value ourselves. It’s the belief in our ability to think independently and face situations and people with strength. This belief- that I am capable- is what gives rise to the feeling of inner confidence.

At its core, self-confidence is built on self-respect, self-worth, and the belief that we have the right to express ourselves and our desires. If I truly believe these things, I will experience genuine self-confidence.

If I trust in my ability to think and make decisions, it indicates that I rely on my judgment and trust the way I think. The more I trust my mind, the more I act as an independent, thinking being. 

If I don’t trust my mind, I become passive, dependent, and filled with doubt. When my decisions lead to poor results, I internalize the belief that I shouldn't trust my judgment, and this deepens my lack of confidence.

This is how self-confidence is born- or lost.

We often speak about “confidence” and “confidence in myself” as if they’re the same. But there's a critical difference.

What is often mistaken for self-confidence is actually confidence in myself- rooted solely in belief in my own abilities. It’s the illusion that all my successes and failures are within my control. If I don’t succeed, I tell myself it’s because I didn’t try hard enough or didn’t fully tap into my potential. I start believing: The harder I try, the more I’ll achieve.

This mindset traps me in an exhausting thought loop. My brain floods with endless scenarios, possibilities, and pressure to figure everything out alone. I start overthinking, overanalyzing, seeking advice I can’t accept, and struggling to make decisions- because this belief system leaves no room for external wisdom or divine guidance.

With this mindset, there's no room for G-d, because I’ve claimed all the power for myself. This is confidence in myself, and while some of it is necessary, it only serves me when it’s balanced and part of a bigger picture.

By contrast, true self confidence includes the understanding that while I have G-d-given cognitive tools, not everything is under my control. This knowledge creates space in my mind- a kind of inner stillness that frees me from constant mental strain.

It is this humility of knowing that there’s a Higher Power guiding me, that allows me to stay calm and stable even when life doesn’t go according to plan. I don’t have to push harder to fix everything, because I know it’s not all up to me.

​Inbal Elhayani, M.A., is a certified NLP practitioner and a guided imagery therapist, writer, and lecturer.