Broken Trust in a Relationship: Is Healing Really Possible?

Trust is the feeling of security and stability we experience in our relationships. It is the foundation of a healthy partnership. Trust creates the basis for honest communication, emotional safety, and meaningful connection. It is the key that allows us to open up, listen, share, and truly engage with another person.

But what happens when trust is broken? What do we experience when someone we trusted deeply hurts us? Can a relationship survive a trust crisis? And is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been damaged?

These are painful and important questions. The good news is that rebuilding trust in a relationship is possible.

Different Types of Trust Violations

Not all breaches of trust look the same. Some are dramatic and obvious. Others are subtle but deeply painful.

For example, a woman may marry knowing her husband is a dedicated Torah student. After the wedding, she discovers that he does not get out of bed until noon. Even if no promises were explicitly broken, she may feel deceived. That emotional experience can create a serious crack in trust.

In other situations, the breach of trust stems from insecurity or lack of support. Imagine a spouse who feels mocked or embarrassed in front of family members. That person may begin to feel that their partner is not truly on their side. Over time, this weakens emotional safety and creates distance.

When a Secret Shatters Trust

There is another type of trust crisis that can be even more painful: the exposure of a secret.

A few years ago, I worked with a wonderful couple whose marriage was shaken when the wife discovered that her husband had been sharing everything that happened at home with his mother, without her knowledge. For a long time, she could not understand why her mother in law’s attitude toward her had changed. Eventually, she uncovered the truth.

The emotional impact was enormous. She felt deceived. She felt that her privacy had been violated. She felt that her husband had been living a double life in secrecy.

But the pain was not one sided. The husband also suffered. His wife withdrew emotionally. She became distant and closed off. He felt rejected, humiliated, powerless, and at times even hated.

When trust breaks in this way, it shakes the entire relationship.

So how can couples begin restoring trust after betrayal or secrecy?

The Path to Restoring Trust

From my experience working with couples facing serious trust crises, I firmly believe that repair is possible. A broken relationship can heal. In many cases, couples emerge stronger than before.

However, rebuilding trust is a process. Trust can be shattered in a moment, but restoring trust takes time, consistency, and emotional effort.

Here are several essential steps in the process of rebuilding trust in marriage.

Genuine Regret and Real Change

Without sincere regret, healing is nearly impossible.

When the partner who broke trust expresses authentic remorse and a true desire to change, it creates the first opening for repair. I have seen spouses cry, plead, and openly acknowledge their mistake with deep sincerity. When that regret is real and accompanied by concrete behavioral change, it gives the wounded partner something to hold on to.

If there is no regret and no commitment to change, the injured spouse will struggle to reconnect or rebuild trust.

Weighing the Pros and Cons

After a breach of trust, there is often a strong urge to end the relationship immediately. The pain feels overwhelming.

At such moments, it is wise to pause and reflect carefully. What would be gained by leaving? What would be lost?

In many cases, couples discover that despite the painful stumble, there is still much goodness in the relationship. Years of shared life, values, love, and partnership should not be dismissed without serious thought.

This does not mean ignoring anger or disappointment. Those emotions are real and valid. But after acknowledging the pain, it is important to also remember the existing good. That perspective often gives couples the strength to rebuild trust after betrayal.

Choosing to Look Forward

Restoring trust is not easy. At times, it may even feel impossible.

However, healing requires forward movement. It is extremely difficult to rebuild trust if the crisis is constantly reopened and replayed. If every disagreement brings renewed accusations and reminders of past failure, the relationship cannot grow.

There must be space for pain, tears, and honest conversation. But at a certain point, both partners must turn their faces toward the future. Strengthening the belief that change is possible becomes a central part of the healing process.

Without hope, trust cannot be restored.

Creating New Positive Experiences

One of the most powerful tools in rebuilding trust is intentionally creating new positive experiences together.

Add goodness back into the relationship. Invest time. Express appreciation. Bring joy into daily life. Offer kindness. Share meaningful moments.

The more positive interactions a couple accumulates, the more emotional strength they build. These new experiences do not erase the past, but they slowly dim the darkness. Light begins to return to the relationship.

Over time, positive experiences rebuild emotional safety and restore trust in a very practical way.

A Trust Crisis Does Not Have to Be the End

A trust crisis is deeply painful. It can shake an entire household and leave both partners feeling lost.

But when there is a genuine desire to repair, healing is possible. In my professional experience, I have seen many couples who, precisely because of a trust crisis, reached a deeper, more devoted, more loving, and stronger relationship than they had before.

Rebuilding trust in marriage takes patience, humility, and effort from both sides. Yet when couples commit to the process, they can rise from the fracture and create something even stronger.

Avraham Shahrabani is a relationship and family counselor, addiction therapist, and lecturer in the field of family life. He is a member of the Israeli Association for Couples and Family Counseling and an advisor in the Peace at Home Department.