They Told Her to Lower Her Expectations: She Refused to Settle

If you had told Sapir Gurevich two years ago that she would soon marry a Chabad Hasidic baal teshuvah and later guide other couples on their journey to the chuppah, she would, at best, have taken it as a bad joke and, at worst, as a personal insult.

At the time, Sapir was 32 and in the midst of a complicated and difficult search for her match. People around her repeatedly urged her to compromise.

“You’re not a child anymore, and you’re also a baalat teshuvah. Lower your expectations,” they told her.

“Honestly, I couldn’t understand them,” she recalls. “After all, Hashem alone runs the world. And if I truly believe in Him, why shouldn’t I believe that He can give me exactly what I’m looking for, without compromising on anything?”

But even Sapir could not have imagined the dramatic turn her life was about to take.

Discovering a Father’s Love

When Sapir speaks today, it is clear that faith runs deep in her heart. But that was not always part of her life.

“I grew up in a completely nonreligious home,” she says, “but I always knew people who observed mitzvot, and I had good friends whose homes I would visit every Friday to hear Kiddush. My soul was truly drawn to it.

“When I was 11, something interesting happened. I decided to fast on Yom Kippur for the first time in my life, completely on my own. Everything at home was noisy and carrying on as usual, while I stayed in my room observing Yom Kippur.

“When I was 16, I decided to start saying Birkot HaShachar after someone in my class gave me a siddur and opened it to that page. In my innocence, I simply began to pray.”

Eleven years later, after going through several experiences that left her longing to feel Hashem closer to her, Sapir began taking challah every Friday.

“Looking back, it is really funny because I truly did not know how to cook or bake. But the ability to speak with Hashem while baking spoke to me. I would stand in the kitchen and talk to Him: ‘Master of the World, I don’t know how to cook, but I’m baking this challah in Your honor. Please make sure it comes out tasty.’ And it really did come out tasty.

“By the way, in those days I still wasn’t observing Shabbat, but something about talking while making the challah and speaking with the Creator made me feel that someone was hearing me and listening to me. It connected deeply with the fact that I lost my father when I was four. Suddenly, when Hashem entered the picture, I felt that same fatherly love I had missed so much over the years. I felt that at last, someone saw and heard me.”

After that, Sapir began trying to observe Shabbat. She knew very little about the laws, but she was determined to keep trying.

“I didn’t have religious friends around me, and my roommate was completely secular,” she recalls. “I did it entirely on my own. I knew so little that, in complete innocence, I once lit a cigarette from the Shabbat candles. I thought that meant I wasn’t ‘kindling’ a fire. I didn’t understand the meaning of the prohibition, yet I still tried because Shabbat mattered to me. I am certain that the Creator loved my effort to come closer, even though it wasn’t perfect.

“Today, women consult with me and ask, ‘I decided to observe Shabbat, but all I feel is hardship. Where is all the abundance they promised me?’ My answer is that it does not necessarily work that way. For me, too, abundance did not arrive the moment I began observing Shabbat.”

During that period, however, life led Sapir in an unexpected direction. She moved to Miami, primarily for business.

The Accident That Changed Everything

Before becoming observant, Sapir worked in fitness and participated in numerous competitions in Israel.

“When I moved to the U.S., I thought it was a great opportunity to compete there as well. But the Creator had entirely different plans for me,” she explains. “In the U.S., I went through the most dramatic transformation of my life. I began fully observing mitzvot, strengthening my faith, and understanding what was expected of me in this world.”

What sparked such a dramatic transformation?

“It happened after a car accident that changed my life completely. I was driving on I 95, one of Miami’s busiest and fastest highways, when suddenly the car spun out and nearly slammed into a wall.

“Just before the impact, I put my right hand over my eyes. I didn’t even say Shema Yisrael. I simply put my hand there, and suddenly the car came to a complete stop. I physically felt angels protecting me and stopping the car. There is no logical explanation for it. There was no reason in the world for it to stop that way.”

Did you come out unharmed?

“Without a single scratch. Truly nothing. I came away with only one understanding: Hashem loves me, and He expects me to begin doing what He asks of me. It was a complete awakening. I drove back home for 40 minutes, and the entire way I just recited Mizmor LeTodah over and over.”

Sapir notes that the accident left her with significant trauma. To this day, when she sees a car similar to the one she was driving, her body tenses at the memory. At the same time, she carries a profound realization from that day: “Hashem was with me there. No one in the world could have saved me. Only He protected me from Above.”

“The morning after the accident, I got up and prayed Shacharit. I said to Hashem, ‘I’m with You, just please give me the chance to take part in just one more competition,’” she laughs. “Of course, I understood very quickly that this was no longer His will for me.”

The transformation did not happen overnight.

“It was not a change that happened in a single day, but a long process of introspection and rethinking how I wanted to live. During that time, I moved through seven apartments in two different states over 11 months, along with my two cats.

“At my final stop, I connected deeply with Chabad. I was 30 then, and I knew I was making a sharp turn. Another year passed before I finally returned to Israel, with a powerful desire to get married and build a home and family.”

Preparing Herself for Marriage

How did the people around her respond to the changes?

“The people around me already knew I observed Shabbat, so they weren’t surprised. At the time, I still wasn’t wearing skirts, so no one was alarmed by anything too dramatic.

“During that period, I mainly worked on my character traits. Among other things, I also quit smoking after 18 straight years. Only after I worked on correcting my inner self did I move on to changing the outside as well and began wearing skirts and dressing with full modesty.”

The most difficult part, she says, was giving up fitness competitions.

“Even though I understood that they conflicted with my new identity, it was still difficult. To this day, I feel a certain longing for that field, which is now, of course, as far from me as east is from west. Still, it is clear to me that I made the right change, and I trust the Creator to find me other things that will fulfill me no less.”

When Sapir returned to Israel, her search for a match began in earnest.

“I lived in Tel Aviv and was very close to Chabad. I knew that more than anything, I wanted to get married, but I also knew I was not going to do it from a place of desperation. I wanted to look for the person best suited for me.

“I threw myself into the task. I sent my profile to 13 different countries and to hundreds of matchmakers. I was simply shouting to the world that I wanted to build a home.”

At the same time, Sapir says she deliberately chose not to depend on segulot.

“I’m not the type to rely on segulot,” she emphasizes. “As someone who now guides women through matchmaking, I make it clear to them how careful they need to be with the idea that segulot are what will bring salvation, because in many cases, that expectation causes exactly the opposite.

“Personally, about two years ago I decided to set aside all segulot and focus on working on my character traits, understanding what kind of home I wanted to build and how I could improve myself.

“This came from the understanding that the more I refine my soul, the more my future husband is preparing himself as well, because ultimately we are the same soul.”

During that period, Sapir even bought a wedding dress.

“I said to the Creator, ‘I believe in You and trust You. I’m buying a dress because I know that soon You will bring me my match.’ My mother was a little worried and even joked, ‘Just don’t book a hall yet.’”

“When You Make Room for Me, Salvation Comes”

On the eighth night of Chanukah, Sapir decided to follow the well known custom of writing a note to place beside the chanukiah.

“I wrote to the Creator: ‘I am letting everything go to You. If You want me to get married now, I will be so happy. And if not, that is also okay, because You are the One who runs the world.’

“The goal was not one segulah or another, but open and direct communication with the Creator. In the end, I did not even place the note in the chanukiah.”

What happened next stunned her.

“The next day,” Sapir continues excitedly, “I received my husband’s profile. I could tangibly feel Hashem telling me, ‘When you make room for Me, salvation comes.’”

The matchmaker who sent Sapir the profile was someone she had never even known before that day.

“Our match unfolded exactly like that of two people from an Orthodox home, with meetings in a hotel and no prior acquaintance at all. It felt very strange to both of us at first, but that very path led to our engagement and to a separate, joyous, happy wedding in Kfar Chabad.”

Sapir has one final message for women who are still waiting to find their match.

“I turn to every woman still looking for her match and tell her: Believe that the Creator wants to send you salvation. But in the meantime, what is required of you is to work on your character traits and prepare yourself for it.

“It does not come from one segulah or another, but through learning, introspection, and personal work. Study lessons on faith and trust, place your trust in Hashem, and know that it will happen, because you must never give up.”