Actor Itay Turgeman on Marriage: “My Life’s Work Is Being Good to My Wife”

Israeli actor Itay Turgeman has been speaking openly about the spiritual growth he has undergone in recent months. In a conversation on the Unformal podcast, he reflected on marriage, commitment, and how his growing connection to Torah and mitzvot has changed the way he understands his role as a husband.

“My life’s work is being good to my wife,” Turgeman said. “I want my wife to say that I’m a great guy, and I could cry about it right now because it moves me.”

He described how meaningful it is to hear his wife express happiness with their marriage.

“Suddenly my wife tells me, ‘I’m happy I married you. I’m really happy,’” he shared. “I tell myself, ‘Wow, she gave you her whole life. She placed her whole life with you. Her home, her being, her energy. Everything. You are her home.’”

Marriage Is a Commitment

Turgeman went on to reflect on what he sees as a problem in modern relationships.

“People get divorced without getting divorced,” he said. “They’re already divorced; they’re separate.”

For Turgeman, marriage represents a profound commitment, something he illustrated by recalling the promises he made at his own wedding.

“My wife traded her family name for Turgeman. Imagine what that means,” he said. He compared marriage to a financial commitment: If someone promises to repay even a relatively small sum of money the next day and fails to do so, breaking that promise would clearly be wrong.

“Now think about this: I stood under my wedding canopy, in front of 500 people, with a microphone in my hand, and made a commitment to her.”

“There’s no deal made in a forum like that, like a wedding,” Turgeman continued. “You can make a billion-shekel real estate deal—it ultimately happens in an office with lawyers. In the ketubah, I made a promise.”

“No Lights, Just Work”

That understanding of commitment, he explained, is closely connected to what he has learned through his spiritual journey.

Turgeman said he has come to understand that spirituality cannot depend entirely on feelings, inspiration, or moments of excitement.

“I understood that all spirituality has nothing to do with feelings. I’m not looking for lights and thrills—not with Hashem, and not with anything,” he said.

“Thank Hashem, I observe Torah and mitzvot. To come to Hashem and tell Him, ‘No lights, just work.’ I get up in the morning and go to the synagogue. Sometimes there are a few lights—it’s nice.”

He sees marriage in much the same way. A lasting relationship, he argued, cannot depend on constantly feeling swept off one’s feet.

“A relationship is not about lights—you don’t need to sweep me off my feet,” he said. “I don’t place on you the burden of fulfilling every part of my spectrum that is addicted to thrills. Poor thing, how can you do that?”

Instead, Turgeman believes his responsibility is to focus on what he can give to the relationship rather than continually asking what he can receive from it.

“A woman who will excite me? No, no,” he concluded. “I have work and a role, which is my masculinity—to overcome my self-centeredness.”