Parashat Toldot: How to Help Our Children Discover Their True Worth

In Parashat Toldot, we encounter Yaakov and Esav—two brothers representing two radically different paths and opposing forces that have shaped Jewish history. Our Sages teach that Esav is the ancestor of Edom, and that the Roman Empire represents the kingdom of Edom. Yet the struggle between these two forces is not merely historical. It is a conflict that also takes place within each of us.

There is something intriguing about the Hebrew name for Rome, Romi. It echoes the word romemut, meaning elevation or exaltation. But there is a profound difference between the elevation that comes from holiness and the false sense of greatness offered by the forces of impurity, or klipah.

Holiness elevates a person by helping him discover who he truly is. It encourages him to uncover his authentic self—not an artificial identity shaped by external pressures, but the pure and inherently good spiritual essence that exists within every Jew. The klipah of Rome appeals to precisely the same human longing, but directs it elsewhere. It promises freedom, individuality, recognition, and a sense of importance, yet ultimately draws people toward jealousy, desire, and the pursuit of honor.

The Search for Meaning and Belonging

I believe this is one of the greatest educational challenges facing our generation. A teenager who does not feel significant, who feels unseen, or who struggles to find his place within the world of Torah will naturally seek a sense of worth and belonging elsewhere.

And that is when the representatives of klipat Romi arrive with an enticing invitation: Come. Rise above your circumstances. Here, you matter. Here, people notice you. Here, you can enjoy yourself. The noise and allure of Rome seem to echo throughout the world, making them extraordinarily difficult to resist. 

But perhaps our task is not simply to fight against these influences. Perhaps we need to offer something far more compelling in their place. Our responsibility is not merely to distance young people from temptation, but to help them discover genuine romemut within Torah and Judaism. We must enable them to recognize their inherent worth, understand that they have a unique purpose, and experience the profound significance of their own spiritual lives.

These are not empty slogans or clever techniques designed to prevent teenagers from abandoning religious observance. They are fundamental truths emphasized by our greatest Torah sages. Every Jew is a dwelling place for the Divine Presence. Every individual's prayers are meaningful and precious. Every act of self-restraint and every victory over temptation carries immense spiritual significance. Hashem loves us, believes in us, and desires our ultimate good.

The Chofetz Chaim writes in Shemirat HaLashon (Shaar HaZechirah, Chapter 2) that Hashem loves a person even more than that person loves himself. Are our children hearing these messages from us? More importantly, do they experience these truths in the way we treat them?

Giving Our Children a Genuine Sense of Worth

We cannot simply assume that our children will encounter these teachings on their own while studying Torah texts. The responsibility rests with us as parents and educators. We must offer them personal attention and genuine respect, recognize the unique strengths of every boy and girl, and make sure those qualities are acknowledged and valued.

The Torah describes a pit that was empty, containing no water. Our Sages explain that although it contained no water, it held snakes and scorpions. The image offers a powerful lesson: When a person's inner world is not filled with something meaningful, destructive influences can find their way in. A teenager who lacks a positive sense of identity and belonging may become particularly vulnerable to influences that promise the recognition and fulfillment he is missing.

Prevention is far easier than repairing the damage afterward. Rather than waiting until a child begins to struggle, we should invest time in strengthening our relationships, nurturing their individual strengths, and helping them experience Judaism as something vibrant, meaningful, and deeply personal.

This may be our greatest challenge as parents and educators: not merely telling our children what they should avoid, but helping them discover the extraordinary heights they are capable of reaching.

Because if we do not offer our children a genuine sense of elevation and spiritual worth, Rome will be more than willing to offer them its counterfeit version.